The Innerworkings

2010-08-12T13:38:00.001-07:00

I've had a good day so far. I'm bored so I'm going to write something before I go to work. Today I've spent most of the day cleaning up around the house - cleaning the new shared bathroom downstairs, vacuuming, washed my bedding, and made a trip to wal-mart. These days my head is clear and I know what is going on with me any my relationships with people around me. My appetite has returned and I'm sleeping better. I've also decided to keep a private journal for myself just in case some people actually to read this. I highly doubt it, but just in case. RIght now I do have private thoughts that I don't want just anyone to know about. In time these things will be out in the open, but for now, for simplicity, most of my real interesting will be in my journal. Anyhow I hope work is boring so I can play on the computer and read my text books!

Time for bed!

2010-08-10T22:26:00.000-07:00

I'm heading off to bed now, but I must write something. Today I got the UNMC t-shirt order figured out with the Buckle. I'll have to send them my custom ink design and they can re-create it with their software. Pricing is about all the same so I guess I'll support the stinking mega giant local corporation for this order. Work was busier than usual but really not as bad as SP ever was. I have so much free time to look at facebook and take long strolls around the facility. I can't wait for school to start so I'll have homework to do while I"m on the clock :)

Now is the time to pick up on blogging

2010-08-09T22:05:00.000-07:00

Today I made the sad realization that upon killing my myspace account I completely lost all blog posts from 2006-2008. Looking back on what I wrote now seems so much more important that I even imagined at the time I wrote it. Sure I still have the memories of Luke's death and the grieving process or the memories of Josh and I's early relationship, but to read it in such vivd detail means something more. I am left with facebook's 300ish character description with a link to nowhere. I am going to repost those blog segments all on this site and continue a regular blogging. Still, I cannot believe the things I wrote about back in 2005. And I imagine that by 2015 I will be saying the same thing today. This documentation is much more important that I could have ever imagined now that I have lost a pivotal part of my documented life. I've also added my memories onto the mini blog if something comes to me.

I’m excited!

2008-09-06T22:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, on impulse, I went online to my favorite hookah site and bought all new accessories for my hookah. I have some great new flavors of shisha coming, a new bowl, good charcoals, and a few othe...  

To this day I still have that hookah stuff. It's hiding out at my friends Cassie and Amber's apartment. That "new" stuff worked great the last time we all used it around 6 months ago.

Oww!ie

2008-05-08T22:17:00.000-07:00

OK so this is going to be short, and you'll understand why.Today I got my middle finger slammed in a window, guillotine style. Broke the tiny bone in the tip of my finger and now I can't type at all, ...  

Since this accident I still have slight numbness in the tip of my middle finger on my left hand. Overall the finger is in great shape! I do remember having that splint and gauze wrap on my middle finger in such a way that I was continuously flipping everyone off at work :)

Maybe it’s time to blog again...

2008-04-09T22:19:00.000-07:00

So I haven’t written for a long time... What’s been going on with me. It’s not that nothing note worthy hasn’t happened, but it’s that little thing called time (everyone & ...

I don't remember where I was going with this post... :/  

I HAVE NO INTERNET!

2007-11-13T22:21:00.000-08:00

Me and Josh finally got all moved in and we don't have internet or TV. Sometime soon I'll take care of that, but not having the internet really really sucks! Still no confirmation on a cake stripper,...  

I was going to get a cake stripper!? I have no idea what that is about!! DANG!

Time to blog again

2007-11-09T22:23:00.000-08:00

Well, I got off the whole blogging routine again... Funny how that comes and goes. Sometimes I feel like there is so much going on and then other days I'm just doing the motions. It's ok though, I fig...  

Not sure where this one is going...

Reflections

2007-08-04T22:24:00.000-07:00

It is hard to belive where I was one year ago and where I am today. The pain and sadness has now changed into intense joy and happiness.I still remember everything so clearly and vividly, how terrifyi...  

One year after Luke's death.

Thoughts of death and dying

2007-05-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

Bad news strikes again. On Friday my grandma had a heart attack and was sent to Good Sam hospital. Her old and frail body couldn't take any more and she died later on that night. Her death is very sad... 

There are two vivd memories attached with this blog. One, I will never forget being in the ICU talking with my grandma. She had a pre-death rally. The conversation we had was just like any- she wanted to know about my school and my job. The second thing I clearly remember is going over to Josh's house and crying. That was the first time I cried in front of him and sought him out for support.

New Stuff

2007-05-02T22:32:00.000-07:00

I think I have forgotten to mention that I am getting a new job starting Monday. I have taken a new job in Sterile Processing - Basically cleaning surgical tools. This is all very exciting to me. I ki...  

This job really was fun and exciting at first. The thing that killed it was the stress once you knew most everything. Your level of responsibility escalates without equal pay compensation.There is very little satisfaction working in a biohazardous environment. Most nights I'd leave with no sense of job completion since there was always so much work load carry over from shift to shift. Two and a half years later I quit that for Runza Restaurants.

Ebay - Gift from the Gods?

2007-04-26T22:36:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been getting huge deals off of ebay. Buying expensive cologne at half off. Today I got Egyptian cotton sheets. I am getting addicted to ebay. Saving money makes me feel good so I keep sh...  

I think this shopping spree was while I was briefly living with Andy or right before I moved in with him. Those sheets are amazing however they are lost at the moment. I'm about out of those other colognes too so I better get back on ebay! I bought the acqua di gio because it smells delicious and I bought the unforgivable because it reminded me of Luke.

Shockwave of memory

2007-04-23T22:41:00.000-07:00

I was going about my business at work today and it hits me - today is Luke's birthday.I guess I don't know exactly what to feel about it. It's sad because I cared about him so very much... loved him.B...  

This day still has special importance to me. It's no longer shocking, but a day for remembrance.

Dream Blog

2007-04-19T22:49:00.000-07:00

Ok, so last night I had a really really messed up dream. I don't remember very much of it, but I am going to put it down anyway.So the dream took place in a house or building. There were many people i...  

Agency 89

2007-04-19T22:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I thought I was going to do something really cool - go to an open casting call to model for Omaha Night Life. Like I mentioned earlier, it was a total joke.There were only 5 people from the ...  

The thing that I will never forget about this whole modeling experience was the agency director - An overweight bimbo barbie. Her 'motto' at the agency was it took her 89 attempts to be found so 89 was the big break. This event was for a photo shoot however the agency made us walk the runway for the photogs. I can't walk so I was having a freak out backstage. I asked the girls around me in line for advice, but they really just thought I was funny. Their advice was to be natural.... The only thing was all the other girls before would stomp and clomp their heels down the runway then pop a hip at the end. Is that natural? Um maybe in model land. I promptly left after this fiasco. No more modeling for me!

Mini Blog

2007-04-18T22:50:00.000-07:00

So I am in Omaha this morning, I stayed over night from the open call modeling thing for Omaha Night Life. Let me say one thing, the whole experience was a total joke. There was no way in hell that I ...  

Agency 89

No More Beard

2007-04-13T22:51:00.000-07:00

Ok so I decided to shave my beard today. Now I'm thinking what the fuck. Now I look like some 16 year old again. My cheeks are razor burny and not happy. The beard is growing back ASAP.  

An actual full blog post YAY! Since this post I have yet to grow back a full beard :P

Strange Morning

2007-04-11T22:53:00.000-07:00

So already this morning two weird things happened. I just decided to blog them and then stay awake.First off I had some really fucked up dreams. The first one I remember was while I was still sleeping...  

I wish I knew what this is about!

Saving My Tears From Grandma's House

2007-04-04T22:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly sure what that title means. It just came to me in a dream last night. I think I'm supposed to write a poem or something...  

I still don't know what that means, nor did I write a poem...

Stupid Monitor!

2007-03-28T22:56:00.000-07:00

My monitor was freaking out this afternoon. It was like a dead pixel was moving around the screen. At first I thought it was a little black bug or something. Anyhow I tried to flick it with my finger ...  

Turns out it may ACTUALLY have been a little bug in my screen and warranty would have covered it! I used that screen up until my Dell died. It was really annoying- you just learned how to look past the splat bug.

Sorry Friends!

2007-03-26T22:58:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been very neglectful to everyone out there. I just love being with my boyfriend so much that I just have ignored everything else. Everything is so wonderful and perfect. I cannot believe...  

New relationships... the best

The Results Are In!

2007-03-19T23:00:00.001-07:00

So I was kind of nervous to hear what my parents would say about their trip to talk with the priest about gays. I knew things were probably in my favor, but never this good.The priest is completely pr...  

The priest says love is love, but don't have butt sex :P

Dream Blog

2007-03-19T23:00:00.000-07:00

Part of a dream just came to me so I am going to record as much as I can remember.Okey, so the dream took place at Harmon Park swimming pool. I remember the water slide was really in bad condition but...  

Wierd Dream

2007-03-18T23:02:00.000-07:00

So I am going to write this down before I forget.I remember being at my parents house, but it really wasn't my parents house. I wanted to go visit Josh and it seemed that everyone at his house was li...  

Again, no idea

My Favor

2007-03-17T23:03:00.000-07:00

It seems strange, but really everything is most likely going to be fine with my parents. I was really worried when I learned of them bringing the church into things, but it seems that our church is ve...  

Our church, the Grand Island diocese, is very liberal!

The Gay Talk

2007-03-14T23:05:00.000-07:00

Today I had to give my mom the gay talk again. She gave me her usual, "it's against the bible" bullshit. So I had to talk to her, trying to get her to realize that I'm fine. She didn't get any better ...  

Now a days things are much better with my parents accepting my sexuality, whew!

All In A Night

2007-03-12T23:06:00.000-07:00

So I went out to dinner with Josh tonight. Service was just ok, which was fine by me so we had more time to talk and get to know each other. I really felt like I had to let Josh know about what happen...  

I'm guessing this is the night I told Josh about Luke and his death about 6 months earlier.

Good Things

2007-03-11T23:08:00.000-07:00

I am so incredibly happy. I had such a wonderful night. I'm keeping this new guy for sure. A million thanks to you Kylie for finding him. Ahhh  

This appears to be about Josh :) Maybe this was our first real date to see 300 for free. Thanks bright eyes!

General Thoughts

2007-03-07T23:11:00.000-08:00

It seems that the past week has been pretty blah. I know that isn't true at all... I have just forgotten to take a moment to look at everything around me and make something special and amazing. Mindfu...  

Take a moment to find something special or do something special for yourself.

Great Day!

2007-03-03T23:12:00.000-08:00

Today I had a great day! I spent the afternoon with my lovely photographer Tracy Province and had a small shoot. These new pics are really amazing. I have two favorites that are just stunning. I canno...  

Aside from the shoot I remember driving home in a TERRIBLE snow storm. There was one pic where I was standing on a car arms outstretched and snow beginning to blow around me.

A Day...

2007-03-01T23:15:00.000-08:00

So much can happen in a day. Whether you want it to or not.One of my favorite co-workers died today. I had this bad feeling about the impromptu department meeting.The moment her nam...  

This was about the death of a co-worker named Shaunna (sp?). I remember bawling my eyes out on the clean pots and pans then being sent back out to the cafeteria to work. I cried in the corner over my lunch break instead of eating. I hated the kitchen management for being so insensitive.

Lyrics

2007-02-18T23:18:00.000-08:00

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409 And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already take...

These are the lyrics to 'What Sara Said' by Death Cab for Cutie. Here they are complete:

And it came to me then that every plan
Is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself
That Ive already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself

Cause theres no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone lift their heads
But Im thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die

So whos gonna watch you die? So whos gonna watch you die?

This song really sums up my hospital experience with Luke. I've done and experience everything in this song, including watching him die. It was love and no one can take that from me or tell me different.

Noooooo!

2007-02-15T23:28:00.000-08:00

First off, I think Valentines Day sucks. That is, unless you have a valentine. I'm going to hopefully go out with some friends tonight if my mom will ever get out of the FREAKING BATHROOM! I also had ...  

Ha ha! I did go to big apple with Sadie for sure and maybe Tancy??

Sick Sucks!

2007-02-15T23:27:00.000-08:00

I am getting sicker. I have felt it creep on for the past few days and now it is hitting me with full force attacks. The nose that doesn't stop running. Hacking coughs. Sneezing. Being sick sucks. Last...  

Understood!

Thinking Things Over

2007-02-04T23:29:00.000-08:00

Today I was thinking about my move to Omaha. I can't wait to move, but I am beginning to think that the move will have to wait. When I go I want to set myself up for success, but right now I think I a...  

This move obviously never happened. I'm still in Kearney going to Nursing school. I however nursing school was very much in my head at this point in time.

Enough Gloom

2007-02-03T23:32:00.000-08:00

So there has been some crappy things going on lately, but theres been plenty of good going on too.Let's see, Thursday I was at Perkins with a bunch of friends and we had the most strange encounter. I ...  

I am pretty sure this was the night where we talked with some homeless travelers. They weren't too awful scary because they were young, but still creepy. Anyway we end up telling him that I am an orthopedic surgeon called Dr Mark. There was a whole lot more going on that night, but I can't clearly recall.

Tragic

2007-02-01T23:35:00.000-08:00

Sad reminders of Luke has made me feel depressed these past few days. I hate feeling alone. I know I'm not - I have great friends that I can call 24/7 to talk with, but I still feel alone. Cancer. So m...  

Small Town Bars

2007-01-29T23:36:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I went to Shelton to drink with my friend Brandy. I have never really been to Shelton before so this was a totally new experience for me. Anyhow Brandy works here at the bar and let's say...  

And lets say $20 has never bought me so many drinks ever again. Brandy told me who to buy drinks for then it seemed I'd get two back in return. I had so many wooden tokens for drinks. However the night really climaxed for me when I puked out of Brandy's vehicle while in motion. It wasn't until the very next day did we see the disgusting puke stain all over the side of her car! OOPS!

Here He Goes Again...

2007-01-24T23:40:00.000-08:00

So its been a while since I've blogged. The Wii has simply taken over my life, well not really. I think I've just gotten lazy about blogging. Today I took a drive to Hastings (the town, not the store) ...  

I'm betting this is the first time I met Lacy and her kids in Hastings. We played more wii and talked for hours.

Simple and Ordinary

2007-01-12T23:41:00.001-08:00

Today was pretty good I guess. I got screwed over at work, but I just roll with it and carry on. End.I played the Wii for a few hours. Rented a game called Elebits, very fun. You basically go around c...  

Wii - First Day Impressions

2007-01-10T23:43:00.000-08:00

First off, I have to say this is one incredible little machine. It is small, lightweight and visually stunning. Sure, some may bitch about not having the 'ultra-realistic' graphics, but I don't care. ...  

Recent News

2007-01-09T23:45:00.000-08:00

So my car is getting fixed. My step-dad is getting new fenders for the car and is going to paint and install them himself. Hopefully I will be able to drive my car again here soon. Me and Scott decided...  

I'm still a little bitter about that car wreck...

THE WII IS MINE!

2007-01-09T23:44:00.000-08:00

Finally! My Wii rounds paid off. I went to GameStop this morning right as the delivery truck pulled out and I snagged my very own Wii! This thing is awesome :D  

DANGER - FALLING ICE!

2007-01-04T23:46:00.000-08:00

It is incredibly strange outside. The inch of ice on everything has begun to melt. Outside air is filled with cracking and crinkling sounds, followed by smashing and breaking. I see squirrels playing ...  

Drink Powder + Snort = Not Fun

2006-12-29T23:47:00.000-08:00

Work is pretty boring most afternoons, so we make our own fun. Today Brandy came up to me and told me to snort some energy drink powder. It's like the kind you would add to a 20oz bottle of water. Any...  

You can see where this is going...

Lazy...

2006-12-28T23:48:00.000-08:00

I have not kept up with my blog. Bad me. I have to record what happens so I don't think my life is so mundane and boring as I perceive it to be. Yesterday I changed my hair color to an un-natural redi...  

I Feel SO Sick!

2006-12-16T23:50:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling pretty sick for a few days. Now the cold has gotten the best of me. The sinus pressure makes my eyes want to pop out and I have the worst sinus headache I have ever experienced. I ...  

McDonalds - I HATE YOU!

2006-12-15T23:51:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful evening at the bar tonight, having fun with some friends and I am of course hit with drunken munchies. Naturally, McDu is the only place open at this hour so I hit the drive thru, co...  

I'm guessing they screwed up my order?

General Blogging

2006-12-14T23:52:00.000-08:00

I know I am getting sick. My throat is so sore. Maybe I won't go to work tomorrow... We'll see.I sold one of my books today YEY That's all I can think of at the moment. I'm going to bed....  

SELL SELL SELL!

2006-12-12T23:53:00.000-08:00

That's right! I am selling all of my text books. I am using half.com and it was pretty easy.... now I just have to get people to buy them! I have 9 books listed and it would be awesome if I got asking...  

And I still sell my books this way!

Daily Bloggings

2006-12-11T23:54:00.000-08:00

This is pretty much a recap of what happened today....I stood around at work for quite a while. Stocked a few things, and then stood some more. Had interesting discussions, then went home.I was almost...  

Miniature Sized Animals

2006-12-08T23:55:00.000-08:00

While at Perkins tonight I pondered the idea of what it would be like to have miniature sized animals. I think that within the next twenty years scientist will be able to decode the genetics on most a...  

Today Is Finally Over

2006-11-29T23:59:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke from an awful dream which dealt primarily with work. The last think I remember from this dream was Eileen telling me that today was going to suck real bad. Needless to say, today d...  

Not Another Blog!

2006-11-29T23:57:00.000-08:00

Ok, I just remembered somthing good so I decided I better put it down. Yesterday the insurance guy (the other company) came to take some pics of the damage of my car and he in a round-about way said t...  

And now I don't know what that good thing was!

Maybe Wii?

2006-11-28T00:01:00.000-08:00

Today I got a msg from an anoymous source that Walmart has been holding shipments of the Wii until Dec 3rd. So, I am going to try to verify this info that was leaked to me then figure out if I want to...  

ERR! No Wii In Kearney

2006-11-21T00:02:00.000-08:00

I really am wanting the new Nintendo Wii, but all of Kearney is sold out, err! All I know for sure is that stores will be getting random shipments sometime between now and Jan 1st NOOOOOO!!!!!  

Better... I Think

2006-11-20T08:51:00.000-08:00

I am feeling better after yesterdays 'blah me' blog. Yey  

Trying Hard

2006-11-20T00:03:00.000-08:00

I've been trying hard to stay positive and happy, but it seems over the past week I have started to drift back into depression. I feel so extremely lonely. I want so badly to just have someone to cudd...  

KPD, YOU PISS ME OFF!

2006-11-13T08:57:00.000-08:00

So today I go to the police station to get my police report only to find that the dumb ass cop reported me at fault for the entire wreck. DID HE NOT FUCKING LISTEN TO ME? DID HE USE HIS EYES? DID HE U...  

GAHH!!

2006-11-13T08:54:00.000-08:00

Well, the officer didn't ammend my police report. He said had he written my story on the report he would have to have given me a ticket for wreckless driving. Now no one's insurace company is doing an...  

That wasn't expected

2006-11-11T08:58:00.000-08:00

Well, yesterday while I was driving over to Tiffany's house to get to Sarah's party, I was wrecked into by some stupid country bumpkin. I'm fine, but my car is going to need some massive repairs. Let ...  

I'm going blonde

2006-11-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

I am tired of normal blah hair, so I am going blonde. Not normal blonde, but creepy maybe more like yellow blonde... or white-ish - it depends on how long I can stand to have this junk on my head--- I...

Song

2006-11-05T09:01:00.000-08:00

Oh, it is loveFrom the first time I set my eyes up on yoursThinking oh is it loveOh dearIt's been hardly a momentAnd you are already missedThere is still a bit of your skinThat I'm yet to have kissedO...  

Lyrics from HelloGoodbye, "Oh, It Is Love"

Oh, it is love,
From the first,
Time I set my eyes upon yours,
Thinking, oh, is it love?

Oh dear,
It's been hardly a moment,
And you are already missed.
There is still a bit of your skin,
That I've yet to have kissed.

Oh, say, "Please do not go."
But you know, oh, you know,
That I must.
Oh, say, "I love you so."
But you know, oh, you know,
You can trust.

We'll be holding hands once again.
All our broken plans, I will mend.
I will hold you tight,
So you know,
It is love,
From the first,
Time I pressed my hand into yours,
Thinking, oh, is it love?

Oh dear, it's been,
Hardly three days,
Yet I long,
To feel your embrace.
There are several days yet until,
I can see your sweet face.

Oh, say,
"Wouldn't you like,
To be older and,
Married with me?"
Oh, say, "Wouldn't it be nice,
To know right now,
That we'll be,
Some day holding hands,
In the end?"
All our broken plans,
Will abend.
And I will kiss you soft,
So you know,

It is love,
From the first,
Time I pressed my lips against yours,
Thinking oh, is it love?

Oh.

Your heart may long for love that is more near,
So, when I'm gone, these words will be here,
To ease every fear,
And dry up every tear,
And make it very clear,
I kiss you and I know,

It is love,
From the first,
Time I pressed my lips against yours,
Thinking, oh, is it love?

Oh, it is love,
From the first,
Time I pressed my lips against yours,
Thinking, oh, is it love?

Oh I kiss you, and I know,
It is love,
From the first,
Time I pressed my lips against yours,
Thinking, oh, is it love?

Merf!

2006-10-31T09:04:00.000-08:00

So I didn't get my Halloween wings done tonight. It looked so easy on Martha the other day... I should'a got some heavier wire, but I kinda made it more complicated so it would work. The wings are on ...  

The Past Few Days...

2006-10-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

Nothing amazing has happened lately. This weekend I basically lived at the hospital cafeteria, probably putting more hours in than any other person. Whatever, I need the $$$ so I can move to Omaha. I...
  

A Great Movie

2006-10-19T09:16:00.000-07:00

I am currently obsessed with the movie 'What the Bleep Do We Know' I just have to keep watching it because I want to lean everything about this movie. It is kinda like the movie 'Waking Life' in terms...  

O Omaha!

2006-10-17T09:18:00.000-07:00

Every time I go to Omaha I have come to learn to expect the unexpected. On Friday night we were just hanging out with the hookah; tried out the strawberry kiwi flavor. It was good, but mint is still m...  

I love you Regina Spektor!

2006-10-11T09:19:00.000-07:00

I wish there was some way that I could get everyone to listen to my wierd music. Regina Spektor is one of my new obsessions. She's kinda like Fiona Apple or Alanis Morissette, but with less angy-ness....  

Last Weekend

2006-10-10T09:22:00.000-07:00

I went to Columbus to visit friends and get away from Kearney. I was thinking of seeing Luke's grave, but I didn't. I could not do it alone. I visited my old roommate Randy. He has the most messed up ...  

Thoughts On This Coming Weekend

2006-10-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

This weekend I have plans to visit Columubs. This trip makes me feel afraid and a little uncomfortable. I was thinking of seeing Luke's grave, but I have such strange feelings. I know he's dead, but t... 

Survived Another Morning!

2006-10-02T09:29:00.000-07:00

Ugh, I survived another early 6AM morning shift. I was so so so tired, but I got home and took a long nap. Nothing too much out of the ordinary to report today. I made a Husker corn hat out of a fry c...  

A Great Evening

2006-10-01T09:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had such a good time, having a quiet evening with a few close friends. I for the first time smoked a hooka and let me tell you that was pretty cool. We had some cantalope flavored tobacco th...  

Past Few Days

2006-09-29T09:31:00.000-07:00

The past few days have gone pretty well. I kinda just got over the whole ordeal from the past few blogs. I am just not going to worry about that anymore. Time will tell. Work is the same bla bla bla, ...  

A Second Chance, Please!

2006-09-27T09:34:00.000-07:00

Like I mentioned in my last blog, I made a terrible mistake. Today I am still trying to undo the wrongs. Unfortunately first impressions are the most important and now I have not necessary made an en... 

General Going Ons

2006-09-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

Life for me has become almost normal this past week. I haven't been depressed much at all, a little sad every once in a while, but nothing compared as to what I was going through a few weeks ago. The ...  

I'm Back!

2006-09-19T09:39:00.000-07:00

I was not crazy enough to get admitted to Ricard Young. I could see the disapointment in my mom's eyes when they told me that I could go home. I left Richard Young with a huge print out of counselors ...  

Chaos Brain

2006-09-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

Chaos brain is the best way to explain what is going on in my brain right now. My mood at work sunk and sunk as the day wore on. Thinking about Luke, being tired of pretending to be happy for customer...  

UGH! Parents!

2006-09-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

Well last night my mom wanted to talk to me because she could see that I was not doing very well. So I told her about everything that has been going on bla bla bla. Anyhow, my mom didn't go to work to... 

Decisions

2006-09-15T09:42:00.000-07:00

A lot has been going on lately and I am having lots of problems dealing with everything. I talked with my parents yesterday and they suggested that I take the semester off to get my head cleared. I re...  

Something Good

2006-09-13T09:43:00.000-07:00

Despite how much today sucked for me, one really good thing happened. I went to walmart and got a sweet ass printer. It is one of the printer/scanner/copier types. I am sitting here wasting paper and ...  

I Feel...

2006-09-12T09:44:00.000-07:00

Today so far I am feeling depressed. I am overwhelmed with school work. My room is a mess. I want to cry for no aparent reason. I feel like curing up in my bed and just lie there forever. Absolutely n...  

Session 2

2006-09-06T09:45:00.000-07:00

Today was my second session of counceling and it went really well. Again I don't think it was anything particularly amazing, but it just provides me with someone to talk to for an hour about anthing. ...  

New Focus

2006-09-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

There is nothing wrong with missing Luke, but I think sometimes that is all I think about and then I forget about all the good times. I am going to try to shift my focus from everything that I miss to...  

One Month

2006-09-03T09:48:00.000-07:00

Well, today it has been one month since Luke died. Surprisingly the day went alright. I was driving in my car and saw the digits on my odometer read 111111.1 miles. That was kinda cool until it flippe... 

Dreams...

2006-08-30T09:50:00.000-07:00

It seems that about twice a week I have dreams about Luke. If I did a better job dream logging I would be able to describe them, but I haven't. All I can say is that no matter how ridiculous the dream... 

What have I done?

2006-08-26T09:35:00.000-07:00

Today I realized that I have made a terrible mess between a very close friend. I talked for a while with them, but I don't feel that any of the wounds have healed, so to speak. My only solution to thi...  

Oh For School

2006-08-23T09:51:00.000-07:00

Already after the third day of school I am tired of it. I have a few assignment to work on to keep my busy, but not really that I want to do them anyhow. Today I am feeling ok, which is better than ye... 

Today

2006-08-20T09:38:00.000-07:00

Today went fine. Nothing to bitch about for the most part and I wasn't depressed or anything. Out of curiousity I learned how to knit. It is kinda alright, but really it should be left for old ladys. ...  

Getting Help

2006-08-13T09:49:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally decided that maybe I need some counseling to help my situation. I've had serious suicidal thoughts twice now since Luke died and I think maybe it's time to get some professional help..... 

... another day

2006-08-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

I was thinking of writing a blog about how depressed and lonely I was today, but no, I will keep it short. All I have to say is that today was a rough day. I put up a good front, but I was broken insi...  

In memory of Luke

2006-08-07T09:53:00.000-07:00

As most of you all already know my boyfriend, partner. and love passed away on the 2nd of August. I still cannot put to words every emotion that I feel. So much has happened over this past six weeks, ...  

I think I made an error, I'm sure Luke died on the 3rd of August, not the 2nd.

A break at last!

2006-03-11T09:55:00.000-08:00

Today is the beginning of spring break. Work sucked especially bad tonight. I got hardly any tips and ended up walking out with 13 bucks which I then spent on gas. All I can say is PLEASE TIP YOUR WAI...  

Much Better

2006-03-10T09:56:00.000-08:00

The myspace bug has infected my yet again. I think I was just to tired to care on that last blog entry. Luckly spring break is coming up so I will get a rest from all this insanity and stress at schoo... 

Ho Hum

2006-03-06T09:57:00.000-08:00

It seems to me that the novelty of myspace has worn out... I really am not so interested anymore these days... However I have also been at work for about forever too. I am trying not to get into any m... 

Jesus was a Necromancer

2006-03-01T09:58:00.000-08:00

Again, I am blogging the events of yesterday today, so hopefully I can produce a mildly entertaining blogg. However, my blogs tend to be a little dry so I don't blame anyone for not really reading.Le...  

An exciting weekend at work

2006-02-28T09:59:00.000-08:00

I wish I could have written this yesterday while all my thoughts on work were still fresh in my mind. However, during Economics class today I took a few notes about what I found interesting and, yet a...  

Economics - Bomb it at a high altitude!

Ugh! (General bitchings)

2006-02-26T10:01:00.000-08:00

Oh my, I really hate working. I seem to bust my ass to get tips, but then they never seem to appear. I find it very depressing to calculate my hourly wages to only find that I was making a little over... 

Something To Think About: Fixed or Broken

2006-02-21T10:02:00.000-08:00

Today I was thinking about random things while bothering the Christian Men's Study group. I don't really remember how the conversation got so screwed up to begin with... something about sex, then prob...  

We say we fix our dog or cat by neutering or spaying them, but were they ever broken to begin with? We are not fixing them, thus I say we change that phrase!

Does this still work?

2005-11-27T16:03:00.000-08:00

I randomly have decided to write again in this blogg. This year has been so full of drama and everything that I can't believe that I never decided to get this going again. I regret that I probably will forget most of what has happened thus far in the year, but hopefully I will keep a fairly steady record of the daily mundane events recorded in my life. I can't possibly try to catch up and write all the events that have happened since the last post, but I will rather just mention the big things that I can still remember. Item number one: Love life. Alright, since moving to Columbus my love life has been somewhat more active. For a while I was dating this guy Tony. Totally a sweet guy, but we weren’t right for each other. We ended up breaking up only after about 2 months of no officially dating, just fooling around. As far as things go I am single now and still looking. Item number two: Activities. For the most part around here there is nothing to do. Therefore we mostly just drink over at Tony's or Cassie's apartment. Believe me, if I were still blogging during the past few months you'd be reading some really freaky shit. Other than drinking, while it was still warm outside, we'd all go out to this haunted house about fifteen miles north of the college. This is a creepy old house that is two stories tall and has a basement and attic. Many people go out there to just get sacred, but once we brought out a wiccan friend and she told us about all the stuff she could 'see' and 'feel'. I believe everything that she told us just because it made sense to what we saw and heard before. Item number three: School. School here is so easy. There really isn't much to do. I love my art classes, which I will be getting a scholarship for next semester, and Spanish is really easy too. For the most part I don't do much studying and get all A's. Item number four: Work. Ok, I am a loser butt and have not gotten a real job yet. I do run the international movie night for my teacher Juan, so I get paid a little for that and then I will also be working in the art computer lab for my scholarship. All in all, I do keep myself pretty busy so I don't know how if I can handle a job at the moment and keep my grades perfect.

Hey Hey

2005-09-14T15:50:00.000-07:00

I mean to keep up on this blogging but I again have fallen into the, 'my life is so mundane' rut and I have nothing interesting to say. I think that if I'd take a minute to think about what is going on I might have something to write... but at the moment there is nothing.